It is a rainy night and we are at
Only one assistant is around, named Shmiel. He is on night duty
tonight in the room of "sleeping" former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.
Everybody, but Sharon himself, knows he is no longer the
Prime Minister of
Israeli Secret Service ( Shabak) agent is nodding off.
Suddenly, all the machines start to beep. The PM is waking
me my strategist, Reuven Adler, I have some ideas for a new
Shmiel says, "Good morning, sir. How do you feel?"
The Shabak agent continues to sleep while Shmiel explains to
fooled the PM, eh Shmiel?"
Shmiel says, "Sorry sir but you are really no longer the
After a few minutes
Shmiel answers, "Ehud Olmert."
happen if war breaks out, he does not know how to run the army! At least
Shaul [Mofaz] is still there!"
Shmiel answers, "Mofaz is the Minister of Transportation."
"So who is the Defense Minister?" Shmiel says, "Peretz."
"That old man is still alive?!" asks
Shmiel whispers trembling, "Not Peres, Peretz. Amir Peretz."
"What? Are you crazy? I close my eyes for a minute and you
guys let a Labor leader take over the defense of the country?! Not all
the factories in Dimona are the same. Does he know that? Listen,
get Omri here right away. He will fix everything."
"Sorry sir, Omri is on his way to jail."
"Jail?? For that nonsense? I do not believe it. So get me my
lawyer quickly. Get Klagsbald."
Shmiel responds "Klagsbald is on his way to jail."
Klagsbald. He will get Omri out of it."
Shmiel corrects him "No, sir. Klagsbald is also on
his way to jail. He was driving and not paying attention and caused an
accident unintentionally killing a young woman and her son."
knows how to fix these situations."
"Sorry, sir. Yitzchaki is under his own investigation for
tax fraud. He's fixed a few things too many this time."
"Can't be. I know Yitzchaki. They must be framing him. So
get me the Head of Police."
"Sorry, sir, but Karadi is in an investigation for
"Of course he is. He is the head of police. I am sure he is
in the middle of a number of investigations!"
"No, sir. This is an investigation against him!"
system has been ruined! We must get them out of this. Get me the
minister of Internal Security, Tzachi [Hanegbi]."
"Sir, Hanegbi has been indicted for fraud, bribery and job
fixing. He is not a minister anymore."
"So get me the Justice Minister. Who did Olmert appoint?"
"So get him here!"
"Sorry sir. I can't. He has been indicted and is on trial
for sexual harassment."
"What? So get me the president. That is still Katzav,
"Yes, sir, for now. But Katzav is under investigation as well, for
sexual harassment AND wiretapping."
"So get me the Chief of Staff, Boogie [Moshe Ayalon]. Ah, wait,
that is Halutz, right?"
"Sir, he got into some trouble in the Lebanon War. Nothing
criminal, really. But he sold some stocks with very odd timing.
He will soon be giving testimony to an investigative committee."
"Halutz?? He was a young Piper pilot during the
"Sir, that would be the second Lebanon War, it happened
while you were sleeping. We... how should I say, kind of lost
the war but the Prime Minister said we should be patient, victory is coming."
is your position?"
"Shmiel, sir. I am a hospital attendant."
"Ok, Shmiel. Do not tell anyone about this conversation."
"You can count on me, sir."
"I'm going back to sleep."
Yes, I guess he would not like what has happened since he fell into coma.... I apologize for not mentioning the author, I just don't know who wrote this cruel summary.